Epic took a Vacation
by Valiant Pudding
Summary: Follow the misadventures of Arial, brave, just and hopelessly naive Crusader as she and her band of misfits attempt to save Rune-Midgard from it's greatest fictional threat ever!
1. Bios

_Yeah, I decided to add a character bios page, it's got all the main characters and most the supporting ones, it'll be updated as new characters are introduced._

_**Main Characters**_

**Name: Arial Dryadson **

**Class: Crusader**

**Gender: Female**

**Current Status: Main Character**

**First Appearance: Chapter 1**

The main character of the story, Arial is a devout crusader always willing to aid the needy. She is a skilled in swordplay and is not afraid to use it when needed. However, she has one great weakness: her absolute and often misplaced trust in anyone or anything. She set out on a quest to Geffen under the orders of God (a prank really, but hey, what'cha gonna do?). What adventures await her? We're not even sure if they'd classify as an 'adventure'…

**Name: C.A Madison **

**Class: Mage**

**Gender: Male**

**Current Status: Main Character**

**First Appearance: Chapter 1**

A pessimistic, urban philosophical mage. C.A is not quite, anti-social as what most people describe him, it is merely that he believes life is too short and meaningless for him to bother to converse with such equally insignificant beings. However, for all his beliefs, there is one thing in the world which gives meaning to C.A's life: cute cuddly things.

**Name: Elma Ridgemont**

**Class: Knight**

**Gender: Female**

**Current Status: Main Character**

**First Appearance: Chapter 1**

The only child of a famous swordsman and an until recently not quite as famous priestess before she married the aforementioned swordsman, Elma was schooled in the martial arts from an early age. Rich, attractive and skilled with the spear, all was going well for Elma until her parents were suddenly killed (details are sketchy, but rumors point to a mob of enraged novices asking for free stuff). After her parents' deaths, Elma was placed under the car of her father's best friend, however, relations between Elma and her step father were edgy at best, leading her to run away to Geffen after a heated argument.

_**Supporting Characters**_

**Name: Jeda**

**Class: Thief**

**Gender: Female**

**Current Status: Plot Device**

**First Appearance: Chapter 2**

A pickpocket prowling the streets of Geffen, Jeda has big plans, HUGE plans in fact. By pick pocketing everyone she comes across, she hopes to amass enough money to buy out every business establishment in Geffen, following which she plans to move on to other the other cities and eventually forming the greatest monopoly Rune – Midgard has ever seen. She currently owns Izzy's Seafood Stand and Notto's Food Court.

**Name: Pebby the Performer**

**Gender: Male**

**Current Status: Supporting Character, presumably dead**

**First Appearance: Chapter 2**

A street entertained in Geffen. Has a short temper. Was beaten to death with a live poring.

**Name: Mutake the Heartless**

**Class: Assassin**

**Gender: Male**

**Current Status: Supporting Character**

**First Appearance: Chapter 3**

A formally famous assassin, Mutake lost his eyesight to a pair of irate pinions. He was last seen on the roads between Geffen and Prontera.

**Name: Izzy**

**Class: Merchant**

**Gender: Male**

**Current Status: Supporting Character**

**First Appearance: Chapter 3**

The founder and former owner of Izzy's Seafood Stand before he fell victim to Jeda's hostile corporate takeover bid. Izzy initially lost all reason to live until he realized his need for revenge. Donning his mask and vowing revenge on Jeda, he is now Izzy, the Fallen Chef! Defender of Financial and Corporate Justice!


	2. Ep1 Coincidence is stupid

_**Chapter 1 – Coincidence is stupid**_

---A bar in Prontera---

_The bar was well…barish, for lack of a better word. Unintelligible murmurs making their way out of the mouths of drunken patrons, beer, unmemorable music, fat bartenders, you know, the stuff you find in every other self respecting bar. However, all is not as cliché as it seems, for in a dark dingy corner of the bar sits two figures; a shady looking man garbed in simple traveler's robes and out heroine; Arial Dryadson, a brave, just, beautiful, noble, and unfortunately just a tad bit naïve crusader._

**Shady Man**: And so you see, by giving me all your money, you will rid yourself of any possible material temptation that might deter you from your quest for spiritual enlightenment.

**Arial**: Wow…you'd do that for me? Thanks!

_Without hesitation, Arial proceeded to reach for her coins poach. Reaching across the wooden table she was about to drop it into the Shady Man's eager hands when…_

**Arial**: Wait, if I give my money to you, won't you then be tempted?

**Shady Man**: Um, uh…my…um, RELIGIOUS SECT practices um…SELF CONTROL…yeah…I'm supposed to put myself in temptations way to um…discipline myself…yeah.

**Arial**: Oh, ok.

_Smiling at her 'friend', Arial then handed half her life savings to the Shady Man._

**Shady Man**: I can see you closer to enlightenment already.

**Arial**: Really? Thanks, well, good luck with you're self control thing.

**Shady Man**: It will be difficult, but I will try.

**Arial**: Well, I've got to be going now, good day to you.

---Arial's room, some inn in Prontera---

**Maid 1**: Are you sure about this?

**Maid 2**: Of course! It'll be hilarious!

**Maid 1**: …if you say so, but…who is she again?

**Maid 2**: Her names Arial…Dayad – something. She's a fairly famous crusader, really good with the sword and stuff. However, what she's really known for is that she believes ANYTHING you tell her! Hell, she'd trust you if you came up to her and said you were her long lost biological father!

**Maid 1**: …if you say so…anyway, we just leave this letter here right?

**Maid 2**: Yup.

"Arial, my trusted servant, I am God. I have contacted you in order to entrust you with a mission which is of utmost importance. An ancient evil which has long lain dormant shall soon arise and lay siege upon the lands of Rune-Midgard. It is upon you, my most able of warriors that I must place the burden of destroying this evil! First, you must journey to the town of Geffen, there you will find the means to destroying this evil. Arial, I have placed the fate of the world in your hands, you must not fail!"

**Maid 1**: …why Geffen?

**Maid 2**: Lots of freak show mages hang out there, just think of the kind of stuff she'd get into! It'll be awesome!

**Maid 1**: Isn't this a bit cruel?

**Maid 2**: So?

**Maid 1**: …

---A campsite on some road leading to Geffen---

_As the flames fought in vain against the darkness of the night, two figures could be seen. An archer and a mage._

**Archer Guy**: So…Chisa-

**C.A**: Sigh I told you, call me C.A…

**Archer Guy**: So…C.A…why are you going to Geffen?

**C.A**: And why are you interested? Will knowing somehow improve your life?

**Archer Guy**: Umm…no, I guess…but…

**C.A**: Sigh But what?

**Archer Guy**: Well, it's still a few days to Geffen, and since we'll be traveling together for that time, I thought we might as well get to know each other.

**C.A**: …Fine, fine…if it will satisfy your insignificant little mind…as you know, I am a Mage. Well, society tends to place several…'guidelines' on ways as to what mages are meant to be and what they do. That being things such as living in tall overbearing towers, wearing thick glasses, having no sense of interior decorations and the need to read several thick books which are permanently dusty per day. And thus, I am simply going there to fulfill my predetermined role in this brief sparkle we call life.

**Archer Guy**: …ok, and why are you doing that?

**C.A**: Sigh were you not listening? As I said, you have no true personality but the one society places upon you based on commonly accepted stereotypes. Are not all priest and acolytes kind and caring? Do not all thieves possess unsurpassed daring and cunning? Are not all swordsmen naturally born leaders who come from remote fishing villages? Do you think they were all like that? Of course not! Society forced them to be like that!

**Archer Guy**: …so…why are you doing it?

**C.A**: Life is but a brief flicker of existence before you die forgotten. It just takes too much effort for me to go against society…and why should I care anyway? In the grand scale, it is only the briefest of moments before I proceed to oblivion.

**Archer Guy**: …

**C.A**: …

**Archer Guy**: So…you going to ask me why I'm going to Geffen?

**C.A**: No

**Archer Guy**: …ok.

---Elaborate bedroom, Mansion in Payon---

_The room was large, and pretty, with many priceless or at least VERY expansive ornaments adorning the room. The bed was wide and comfortable. Garments made of the finest silk filled the elaborate wardrobe. The room was indeed very nice and many people would have liked this room if it wasn't for the one oddity in it: A young woman holding a spear preparing to jump out of the window._

**Elma**: Ok…it's a long way down…

_Suddenly, the peace was interrupted by a loud banging against the door_

**Man's Voice**: Elma! ELMA! Open the door right now!

**Elma**: …oh hell.

_And with those words Elma leaped…well, it was more of a hesitant jump, but leap seemed more dramatic. On the plus side, she did land a lot more gracefully (gracefully been that she didn't brake a bone) then when she jumped. After a minute or so, she got up and broke into a run._

**Elma**: Now to get out of here! Hmm...where could I go to hide from dad?...I need a place where an old school type warrior would never go to…Geffen!

* * *

Author's Notes: Ok, I know that this chapter was horrid; you don't have to tell me. Well, it is my first fanfic but that's not much of an excuse now is it? Anyway, please review, I could use any tips on how to improve my writing. Story should pick up in a chap or two, I've always been bad at first chapters -- 


	3. Ep2 The attack of the plot device

**_Chapter 2 – The attack of the plot device_**

---Geffen---

**Estate Agent: **And that's it!

**C.A: **…

**Estate Agent: **Um..so…are you interested?

**C.A: **…is that really you're best?

**Estate Agent: **Yes indeed! So what'cha think? Pretty good huh? It's pretty wizard-like if I do say so myself!

**C.A: **It's horrible.

**Estate Agent: **P- pardon me?

**C.A: **The tower is not imposing in the slightest, thunderstorms aren't even irregular, their non-existent! There is a pitiful total of seven thick and dusty books in the so – called 'archives', there are no decorative skulls and the surrounding area isn't even shrouded in perpetual darkness! A wizard's tower perhaps in the lightest use of the term.

**Estate Agent: **Um, perhaps…I could interest you in an um, alternative residence?

_Without word or any other concern for manners for that matter, C.A turned around and walked off, annoyed look plastered on his face as always._

**C.A: **(Sigh) Great, so I can't wither my life away in peaceful undisturbed cliché? Geffen truly does know how to disappoint.

_Unbeknownst to C.A, a figure lurked within the darkness, observing…stalking…_

**Jeda: **(WHOA! That mages loaded! Sweet, bag this catch and I'll finally have enough cash to buy out Jabar's Bakery!)

_With the skill borne of years of…redistributing social wealth, Jeda easily relieved her target of his gold, sparring no zenny before disappearing yet again into the abyss of darkness. Cheesy plot device, the start of a sub plot or even an event so important it will influence the course of the story and it's eventual climax? You decide._

**Jeda: **(Heh, the dumbass is still talking to himself! If only everyone was as stupid as this guy, I would have SO bought out half of Rune – Midgard by now!)

**C.A: **Hmph, now if my life was penned by some unimaginative idiot, in addition to wasting my time I would now be robbed or suffer some other form of energy consuming annoyance.

**C.A: **…

**C.A: **…perhaps a light meal is in order…

_Reaching for his coin sack, C.A's hand fumbled around for it's intended target only to come to the cruel, grim realization that his life is indeed penned by an unimaginative idiot_

**C.A: **I swear, my life is bloody scripted.

---Geffen, four hours later---

**C.A: **…I refuse to believe my life has been lowered to this…

**Pebby the Performer: **Well, for someone stuck in the city with absolutely no money and in desperate need for a job, I wouldn't be complaining so much. But man, just HOW you managed to lose all your Zenny!? Did you like put it all in one hideously large sack just waiting to be stolen?

**C.A: **…shut up.

**Pebby the Performer: **By God! You might as well have put on a sign on your back saying "I'm filthy stinkin' rich and stupid! Mug me!" And weren't you trying to buy a vacant tower? That would have cost a fortune! Man, just how much money did you lose???

**C.A: **You know what? I hate you.

**Pebby the Performer: **Yeah, well, whatever, so, do you need me to run you through what you've got to do again?

**C.A: **…why not? It'll delay the inevitable for a few precious minutes.

**Pebby the Performer: **Right, well, what happens is that we have this thing were I sell water balloons to the kids and they throw it at the big evil monster which then scares it away. You of course, are the monster, so just stick these horns on your head and growl and stuff, you know, stuff that scares kiddies, don't worry, you'll get the hang of it…ah ha! Look! There comes our first customer! Righto C.A, remember, act scary!

**C.A: **…roar…

---1 hour later---

**Pebby the Performer: **I would say you're hopeless but by Gods even that's too good for you! Go! Shoo! You're fired! GO!!!

**C.A: **Fine, 20 Zenny an hour wasn't worth my dignity anyway…

---Elsewhere in Geffen---

**Jeda: **Hehe, thanks to that idiot mage, Jabar's Bakery is now under my legal ownership! With Jabar's in addition to Izzy's Seafood Stand and Notto's Food Court, I shall soon create a monopoly in Geffen's food market!! Total economic control is one step closer! BWAHAHAHA!!!

* * *

Author's Notes: Wow! It's been months since I last updated this, but oh well, here's chapter two! Little bit short, but I unfortunately don't have enough time to write longer chapters.  


	4. Ep3 Ingenue I am not

**_Chapter 3 – Ingénue, I am not_**

_The wordless pleas of the dying carried through the golden fields underneath the fallen Sun clinging vainly to his throne in face of the Moon's mutiny. The red battleground was strewn with corpses, friend and foe indistinguishable amidst the cruel stain of blood. However, in this desert of the dead stood one who lived: Mutake, the Heartless, the cruelest and most efficient assassin that ever walked the lands of Rune – Midgard. Killing not for gold, but for the primal pleasure of the scent of death and the sight of blood. None had ever escaped his blades, he was like death itself, and this battle was but further proof of such…however, that was years ago, after losing both eyes to a pair of irate pigeons__, Mutake is currently barely edging out a living by frightening gullible roadside travelers into giving him their money, but even that hasn't been going all too well…_

---Road to Geffen, Prontera Vicinity---

**Elma: **Huff…puff…running away…takes a lot more out of you…then they make it out to be…perhaps…a rest is in order…

_Sensing his prey Mutake prepared for the leap, being blind doesn't particularly help when one is trying to intimidate another so the initial scare was crucial. A stylish jump, a cool yet intimidating battle cry, equally cool yet intimidating battle pose…yup, get it all right and the cash was in the bag. It's all in the initial scare…_

**Mutake: **(Ok, I've got this one…right…one, two…GO!)

_Leaping from the shadows, katars raised, Mutake gracefully flew through the air…_

**Mutake: **BWAHAHA! Cower and tremble worm! You will rue this day – ACK!

_Regardless of what people say, being blind really does make it harder for one to land on two feet…or land on any feet for that matter._

**Mutake: **Oh that hurt!

**Elma: **…

_Years of killing had thought Mutake many things about life, one of them being the fact that lying down face flat does NOT do good for first impression, be it those impressions be positive or negative. And so, Mutake quickly leaped back onto his feat and assumed his fighting stance._

**Mutake: **GWAHAHA! Beg for mercy maggot!

**Elma: **Um…excuse me…?

**Mutake: **What is it dog!? Do you want to say your last words!?

**Elma: **Um…if I'm the one you trying to…talk to, I'm actually standing behind you, you're currently shouting to the…road at best.

**Mutake: **HA! You fool! Did you truly believe that I would fall for such a trick!? Now, if you want to live, give me all your Zenny! Fail to do so and I will rip out your heart from where you stand!

**Elma: **um…no really, I really am standing behind you.

**Mutake: **Stop trying to delay the inevitable vermin!

**Elma: **…I pray for my sanity that not everyone is like this…

---Bar in Geffen---

_The bar bustled with business, its patrons being of all walks of life. Kinda like those world cultural fairs, except instead of being united by love or something like that, they were more accurately described as being united in drinking. However, amidst the cheer and merrymaking, sat a lone merchant in a shadowy corner, but not just any shadowy corner, but the type of shadowy character that shouts out that anyone sitting there is going to be important, THE shadowy corner._

**Izzy: **…I can't believe this…to…to lose my seafood stand, to h-hostile corporate takeover…

---2 hours later, Geffen, Eastern Gate---

**Elma: **Finally! Geffen! City of Mages! Dad will never find me here! Hmm, the people here are supposed to be really cultured and stuff, so I take it I won't meet up with any weirdos like that guy on the road earlier…hmm? And excuse me sir, um, could you tell me why that mage is violently assaulting that poor performer with a live poring?

**Random Knight: **Just as clueless as you are miss.

**C.A: **DIE! DIE! I HATE YOU! DIE!

**Pebby the Performer: **HELP! This mans beating me to death with a live poring! A LIVE poring!

**Poring: **

**Pebby the Performer: **Ugh…my…pancreas…what did…I do to deserve this…?

**C.A: **Shut up! Shut up and die!

**Pebby the Performer: **…wait…I remember you…you're that idiot who had all his money stolen…heh…at least I can die…laughing knowing that…there really is no…limit to stupidity…ugh…

**C.A: **You know what? I hate you.

**Poring: **(Feelings mutual.)

**Elma: **…

**Elma: **AM I THE ONLY NORMAL PERSON ALIVE!?!?

---Bar in Geffen, THE shadowy corner---

**Izzy: **Ha…Jeda…you think it's over don't you? You think that by buying out Izzy's Seafood Stand that I'm knocked out of the picture…well, wrong! I will NEVER give up! I will fight your corporate ambition! There was a time when I was but a simple chef, cooking merely as a job, and perhaps a hobby, but now, I shall cook for vengeance! And I will not rest until I destroy you! Or at least make you financially bankrupt! I am Izzy, the Fallen Chef! And you will remember my name on your journey to hell! Mark my words!


End file.
